Good morning, everyone. I stumbled across this file on my computer and cannot, for the life of me, remember why and when I wrote it. It’s a great introduction to the moodiness I feel the majority of the time. Enjoy!
While many people are waking up with fuzzy eyes, lost wallets and misplaced cars, I thought I would use some time for reflection. I have seen on the Internet an Anonymous compare the number of years accrued in life to the levels of a video game. It makes sense.
As with every year, every level of The Game, we gain experience points, venture out on side quests, rescue men and maidens, and imbibe on a touch of debauchery… and just like on screen, we watch our Healer get axed, the Sorcerer turns out to be a spy from your ex-best friend’s assembly, and your progress is totally lost because your cat decided, five months earlier, to vomit on your console. In short, life is not without its difficulties and successes.
2017 marked the first full year I have lived in Japan and along with those 365 days came numerous trials and tribulations. I caved to social pressure and created a Tinder profile and, much to my dismay and soul-deep inner knowledge, men suck no matter what their culture is or what language they speak. I found love, lost it, dealt with false pregnancy anxieties, and in the process, discovered the steel in my spine. I visited and paid homage to 8 castles and 3 major shrines and temples, thus enlarging my knowledge on Japanese history. In addition to my travels, I acquired an addiction to Japanese sweets whether they be waffles, pancakes, ice cream or traditional. Furthermore, in the vein of discovery, I unearthed 4 new cousins, their families and made two more friends this year.
On the flipside, I heartily struggled with my self-identity; wondering many times about my purpose on this planet (besides adding to its death), whether or not I should even exist, and that, cruelly, my demise would hardly be noticed for I hold no influence on anyone. In my darkest moments, I truly embrace the belief I am nothing more than a sack of bones taking up space. Most of all, the separation from the people closest to my heart has been the hardest on me and not a day goes by I do not think of them. Saying I miss them would be an understatement.
I am still attempting to riddle out my end-goal in life but then, I remember the future does not exist and I am only left with the present. Live like you are going to die tomorrow and if that is on the couch, comfy and cozy, that’s more than OK. Here’s to Today and less cat vomit.
A Journal for Ashley 